Nestor came into the store this morning and asked me to go the local post office and buy him some stamps. Now I get a lot of non-book requests, like, do you have a bathroom, can I have a Kleenex, where is the locksmith, is there a God? But this seemed a bit over the top so I said, Nestor, WTF. He said do this for me and I’ll stop stealing your books. I knew Nestor was stealing but since he has peculiar tastes and actually buys the occasional book, I never paid it any mind. But still. So I asked him, why not buy your own stamps and he said that Johnny, the Postal clerk, was mad at him. What the hell did you do to Johnny, I asked. Nestor looked at the floor and said, I stared at his teeth.
This was getting a little weird, even for my store. What, I said, do you mean you stared at his teeth. Nestor shuffled a bit and said, I was buying stamps and I must have been daydreaming at the counter because suddenly I woke up and realized that I’d been staring at his teeth. Really staring. Well, I said, that’s not so bad. But, Nestor continued, I think maybe he has very bad teeth. Nestor never says ‘I think maybe’ unless he’s sure of the thing. Nestor continued, then I got nervous and smiled and that’s when he started to look really pissed off. I tried to look innocent, but it only seemed to make things worse.
Wait a minute, I interrupted, show me your innocent face. Nestor pinched his lips together into a sphincter the size of a dime and opened his eyes so wide I thought they’d pop out of his head. Holy moly, I shouted, you looked at him like that?! My advice to you, Nestor, is avoid the Post Office for at least a week. Nestor didn’t look convinced but who cares. It’s not like they can withdraw my ‘Excellence In Customer Service Award’ again for giving bad advice.
The cartoon is from xkcd.
Oh dear. What grievances and hardships our dedicated local postal staff must endure on a daily basis... (But at least they need not suffer your advice!)
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I approve heartily of the choice of xkcd comic, by the way.
Pottage for tuppence! Mote-gnosis! Remove the banyan-tree growing from your own mouth before you frown at the spinach in another man's teeth! And stop stealing books, you rotter!
ReplyDeleteThe Ling Master has spoken.
The comment above is directed at Nestor. I know, or am fairly sure at least, that Pierre is not stealing books from himself, not even the more unusual ones.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, the choice of comic, like the pictures in prior posts, took real thought and sensitivity. They are clever!
I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill! I found my Weltanschauung at Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma-Gate -- on Walpurgisnacht, no less!